March 2011
224 posts
Its A Sin
Pet Shop Boys
Pet Shop Boys -It’s a Sin.
“Never fall asleep in a dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk near a train, and never, under any circumstances, cut off your air supply while masturbating. This last one is a nationwide epidemic, and it’s surprising the number of men who do it while dressed in their wife’s clothing, most often while she is out of town. To anyone with similar inclinations, a word of warning: after you’re discovered, the police will take snapshots of your dead, costumed body, which will then be slid into photo albums and pored over by people like me, who can’t take the stench of an incoming decomp, so hole themselves up in the records room, moaning, “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God,” not sure if they’re referring to your plum-colored face or to the squash blossom necklace you’ve chosen to go with that blouse.”
—Sedaris, David. When You Are Engulfed in Flames. New York: Little, Brown, 2008.
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Then there were the bits and pieces: a forsaken torso, a pretty blond scalp, a pair of eyes floating in a baby food jar. Put them all together, and you had an incredibly bright secretary who could type like the wind but never answered the telephone. I’d lie awake thinking of things like this, but then my mind would return to the freshly dead, who were most often whole, or at least whole-ish.
Most of them were delivered naked, zipped up in identical body bags. Family members were not allowed inside the building, and so the corpses had no context. Unconnected to the living, they were like these strange creatures, related only to one another..
” —Sedaris, David. When You Are Engulfed in Flames. New York: Little, Brown, 2008. 112. Print.
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What if you enter an affair with a man who has been heterosexual till now? From time to time straight men, especially if they are sophisticated and live in big cities, do develop a crush on a man they know to be gay. If you find him attractive, there is no reason not to go ahead. But if you know his wife or steady woman friend, you may find yourself entering a romantic triangle not very different from an all-straight or all-gay one. Be prepared to lose both his friendship and hers.
Once you have your newly bisexual male in bed, you’ll probably be surprised by how gentle he is. Many women train their male lovers to be tender and romantic, and the result can be something of a shock to a gay man entertaining fantasies about a tough, brutal straight guy. He may want you to fuck him or he may want to suck you off. He may not be good at either (after all, he’s had no experience), but his secret reason for trying homosexuality may be to experiment in precisely these new areas. He might also be frosty with guilt the next time you meet. Don’t worry that you’re “corrupting” him; he is going into this sexual encounter with his eyes wide open. But don’t expect a lasting relationship, no matter how much fun he is in bed. The main rule in dealing with straight men is: Be discreet. They worry more about their reputation than a Spanish virgin.
” —Silverstein, Dr. Charles, and Felice Picano. The New Joy of Gay Sex. New York: HaperCollins Publishers, Inc., 1992. 7-8. Print.
I started reading this for research, and it pretty much reads like a kitschy 70s porn video that you can’t help but be entranced by because it’s so so good.. in the most untactful manner possible. I think that I may have just found my new ritual for this week, hello drab spring break 2011.
